Today we were reminiscing about our college days in the beautiful fields of south central Nebraska. In particular, we were thinking back to a dear dormmate whom we share a fascinating half year with.
Our dormmate was a fan of Dungeons and Dragons. As a fan of this popular role playing game, he was often prone to fantasies. The following is one of them.
Mark, our dormmate in question, was fascinated by the idea of making himself a tunic of Chainmail. He called the project his “Chainmail Armor” project. He would speak of wanting to become a policeman in a small Iowa town, from whence he hailed, and purchasing a farm.
He would not farm in the traditional sense, mind you, his plan was to make the farm into a place where his imagined world of Dungeons and Dragons could come to life. Where he could don his Chainmail tunic, take his longsword and crossbow and leap over bales of hay in the autumn, chasing mythical creatures and dodging their attacks.
Roll for initiative, as it were.
This all seemed quite logical and normal for someone from rural Iowa to aspire to, and we encouraged him.
Shortly after the idea was hatched, a small and exceedingly heavy package arrived in our dorm room. It was a large coil of steel wire. The raw material from which Mark would create his Chainmail tunic.
As Mark laboured on his tunic, yet another plan was hatched. This one was much less normal but packed with entertainment value. The plan was that, once completed, someone was to wear the Chainmail tunic underneath a sweater and go to the airport intending to board a flight.
We rolled on the floor as we imagined the exchange:
“Please walk through the metal detector sir,”
“BEEEEEEEEEEP!”
“Sorry about that, let me just empty my pockets…and try again…”
“BEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!”
“That’s funny, perhaps it is my belt buckle….there we go….”
“BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!”
TSA Approved Chainmail? “Ah…perhaps it is my CHAINMAIL ARMOR!”
And this was in the days before the TSA, the prank would be downright hilarious in today’s hyper sensitive security environment. Of course, one may get arrested, but wouldn’t it be worth it? Well, maybe not.
We laughed at the thought until Mark was complete. We proudly sported the ill fitting, fifty pound tunic around the dorm until the next opportunity for shenanigans arose.
If you are interested in manufacturing your own Chainmail tunic, there are numerous sites today which will guide you. All it takes is some steel wire, some wire clippers, strong hands, and some patience.
It ain’t knittin’, if you catch our drift.
Or, visit a site like the Chainmail Haubergeon, where you can purchase an already manufactured Chainmail tunic made of stainless iron.
Place your order and start working out now, as a little extra muscle comes in handy when donning Chainmail tunics, and remember your Chainmail should be the first thing removed as you pass through airport security.
The TSA will thank you and your fellow travelers will be astonished.
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